63 - Shelter or Captivity, The Mistake of Care

In the first year of having my brother with me, 

I didn’t know what to do. 

Living with someone in depression is not something anyone is prepared for. 

The things we see on the internet or television never tell the whole story. 

They show fragments, 

but never the endless weight of reality.

Even with my own experience of depression, 

even with the loss of my friend, 

I never learned how to lead anyone into recovery.

How could I, 

when I couldn’t recover myself?

So I did the only thing I thought I could

I tried to shelter him. 

I removed anything that might bring back memories,

anything that could do him harm. 

I sheltered him from everyone. 

I cut all my ties, 

and for a whole year I lived in silence. 

I barely let him out, 

and I barely let myself out, 

except for work. 

No conversations, 

no connections, 

just isolation disguised as care.

I told myself I had built a shelter. 

But later I learned that all I had built was a cage. 

I imprisoned my brother in his room. 

There was no way for harm to come from the outside,

but I stripped away every chance for him to feel human. 

Trapped in the “safe haven” I created, 

he was safe from danger, 

but not safe from emptiness.

It was one of the biggest mistakes I made at the beginning of his stay with me. 

In trying to protect him, 

I took away from him what it means to be human. 

I took away any reason for him to be here. 

And instead, 

I gave him more reasons to try to escape this life.