61 - After the Third Fall

After my third fall, 

I gave up everything I had built. 

Everything that once felt like progress was abandoned in silence.

I let go of my social life. 

I said goodbye to those closest to me, 

and for the rest, 

I simply cut the ties. 

I threw away my old number, 

started again with a new one, 

shared only with those who might need me in an emergency. 

I moved to another city, 

leaving behind the fragments of who I was.

I gave up all my savings 

every last piece of security. 

I used it to pay my brother’s debts, the ones he had gathered in his depression. 

And with what remained, 

I brought him overseas, to where I now reside. 

I wanted to take him away from the place that had buried him in grief and sadness. 

I wanted to give him a chance to breathe again.

It left me with almost nothing. 

But it was my last resort. 

I couldn’t let him die. 

I told myself, 

if I try and fail, 

then at least he will die with me and not alone. 

That was all I was thinking. 

No plan. 

No hope. 

Just a desperate act of rescue. 

Just survival.

And yet, 

that choice became the seed of my own struggle. 

It grew into a deeper depression, 

resentment, 

and regret. 

The weight of saving another 

while losing myself was heavier than I ever imagined.

The choices I made, 

and the ones I was too afraid to make,

would later haunt me. 

Endless days of what ifs, 

circling in my mind 

until I almost acted on my darkest thoughts.

Because saving those you love 

is not the same as saving customers or strangers.

Saving those you love 

will cost you a piece of your soul. 

And that is a life lesson I eventually learned.