The Shadow That Stays

 

I used to care. 

How I looked. 

How I dressed. 

How my hair fell, 

how I was presented to the world.

 

Because when you’re here

People assign value to you based on what they see. 

Intentionally or not.

 

I used to want to be wanted. 

To be loved. 

To be cared for. 

To be part of something called a family.

 

But people's gazes don't phase me anymore

Their glances, their judgments 

They pass through me as if I’m not there.

As if passing through the big hole that I have in this hollow body 

Those feelings are long gone.

 

Being by myself became comfortable. 

No betrayal. No disappointment. 

No expectations to be anything but quiet.

 

My life no longer moves in reaction to others. 

Just me and my shadow.

 

My shadow is my only company

The one that follows me wherever I go. 

In joy. 

In grief. 

In silence.

 

Perhaps that’s the only company that will stay with me 

Until my time comes.